PONDERISMS - Lois Collins FrankLIN
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.-
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.-
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.-
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.-
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. -
Life is sexually transmitted.-
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.-
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.-
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.-
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? -
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again-
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.-
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.-
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?-
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" -
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."-
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?-
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?-
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? -
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? -
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?-
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?-
5 Comments:
Oh,Lois, these were GREAT!! They remind me of that comedian, Steven something. Wow, bad memory day. Anyhoo, I laughed a LOT. Thanks for sharing them--made my Monday
Lois,
These are priceless! Made me laugh out loud especially the one about tests and quizes. I needed this after my first day at work here in NC. Talk about a loooooooooong day. I hope I can survive orientation. Anywho..thanks again for the laughs.
Good one Lois. I'm pondering the cow udder thing. To think in time, that could become not only a drink but butter. Hmmmm...who would have thought. But then, who would have known the right and wrong things to eat...fruit, leaves, etc? I'm sure Dr Steve has an answer.
My apologies to Lois Collins FrankLIN for messing up her married name when I originally posted this. I must have gotten interupted and neglected to finish typing the "lin" part.
Lois, I know you emailed these to me some time ago - sorry for the delay.
Hope to see you this weekend.
this isn't the lois collins i spent every home room with since seventh grade, is it? the one with the killer smile?
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