Political Correctness
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore,
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLOND" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE.
Hope you laughed as much as I did!
posted by LindaWright @ 8:11 AM
21 comments
21 Comments:
Very funny. Everyone in the office laughed.
Wanna get a laugh, try using these terms in sentences or even linking them together for a short story...the possiblilities will get ya smilin' for sure.
I'm proud to be a "Breasted American". After the day I had at work today, I needed a good laugh. I just found out that my whole department, along with many other departments, will be moving to the home office in Birgingham, Al. To add insult to injury we have to apply for the job we have been doing for years if we want to move to Birmingham. There is no gaurentee that any of us willing to relocate will be accepted for a position. I may soon join the ranks of the unemployed. I may be making a career change soon. I always heard that when one door shuts, another one will open. I sure hope that is true.
Thanks for letting me vent. If anyone else has funny stuff to share I could use it right about now.
Carla
Carla..from one who has changed careers many times over the years and probably coined the phrase "when a door closes, go in through the window" (okay,not an exact quote and I'm probably not really the originator of that one, but I live by it)..I can tell you that change is good..embrace it. Sell yourself. If you want that job in Birmingham then make them believe they can't get along without you. If you really want a job change, go for it.
I am not a motivational speaker, but I have been in a van down by the river.
You'll do great Carla. Now get out there and show em what ya got!
Oh, I got so caught up in my speech that I forgot to thank whoever printed this piece. Pretty funny. Bill liked it, that's good enough for me.
by the way Bill, how's the detox going with that Mountain Dew problem of yours?
That's funny. Here's one I got in the mail today..it certainly holds true for me.
High School Coolness Test
This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what
crowd you ran with, etc., but it's still pretty accurate.
You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.
SEE IF YOU ARE STILL A COOL PERSON:
http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm
Lois,
Thanks for the motivation and encouragement. I've been due for a change but did not think it was going to be so soon. None of us did. We are still in shock.
Helen, very funny! Yes, it is so true for me too. I am sure we are not alone. Ha!
Carla, thank God for the dorks..life would be so boring if everyone were cool.LOL
Sorry about the job situation but I bet you'll find something before long. In the meantime enjoy the time off.
I've never been cool either, and my kids say I'm even less cool the older I get. That link proved it beyond any shadow of a doubt.
Helen, I know where you live.
I think we're all 'cool' living in a world of dorks.
Carla, hang in there. God has a plan.
Lois, De-Tox not going well. I switched to beer, and that is no good, I tried Wine, It makes me feel good half the time, but doesn't help me think clearly. I think Diet Dew is the lesser of the evils I am faced with. Water is ok, but who knows what is really in it. At least I know what is in a Diet Dew.
So until I find something better, I will just try to cut back...yea sure...
I have all the NY big wigs coming in Wednesday of this week, so not anticipating a very fun next few days either, so I share your pain Carla, As I always say, everytime they come out is a final exam, and it is pass / fail....Hope I pass, if not...I should be close enough to retirement, that they have to get me there, so it is nice to take a test knowing you have somewhat of a parachute...Kind of like in John Consadine's class when you helped grade the papers, and put the grades in the book for him huh Steve?
I wondered why I always got good grades in that class!
Now would not be a good time to wean yourself off of the diet dew...but one consolation is that the big wigs are leaving snow and cold weather and should be in a much better mood in the sun.
Shows you how much I know about the corporate world.
bottoms up Bill.
Carla,
What kind of career change are you planning?
If you move to Birmingham, can we still call you the Georgia Peach?
Our Georgia Peach would become an Alabama Blackberry.
My favorite cobbler.
Carla what company do you work for and what kind of work do you do?
Hey Bill,
I work as a nurse consultant for the Medicare Part B Contractor in Georgia. The company is Cahaba Government Benefit Administrators, LLC which is a "off-shoot" of Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Alabama. My delima is that I have always been "grandfathetered" into my position when other companies have changed hands for the Georgia Medicare Contractor. I don't have a BSN degree and BCBS of Al. requires a BS degree for just about any position these days. Been working toward a BS degree but have a long way to go. I'm a Licensed Practical Nurse but have no desire to go back to a nursing job. I'm trying to stay positive and I'm not out of a job yet. The job market is pretty dismal as far as wages go in this area. I've looked online in a few different areas. The bright side is that I don't have anything holding me to this area and can move if necessary. But as Scarlet said in Gone With the Wind, "I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day". Ha!
Carla, thanks for the response, here is why I ask. I do not know what it is like in that particular area but here are the facts we are are looking at nationally when it comes to jobs, unfortunately some of us may be getting just a little to close to becoming what many people think is old, but ponder these facts, they are general, and the type of work that will need to be done will change, but for those that can make the changes will have work to do: (Technical skills IE; computer internet, etc, are probably a must, and who knows what else will be coming in the way of technology...)
Because of Babyboomers here are some interesting facts:
In 2008 for every 3 people leaving the work force one new one is entering, in 2012, for every one person entering the work force 11 will be leaving, and in 2017 for every 1 person entering the work force, 20 will be leaving. So by 2020 there will be 52 million jobs to fill, and only 29 million people (at todays trends) to fill those jobs. Migration to the Southeast, Texas, and Southwest Regions will make it even worse in some other regions. So experienced managers/leaders/administrators and people with specific Skill sets that can demonstrate productivity, and a willingness to learn quickly and adapt to changes will be increasingly in demand as each year passes.
So chin up girl, there will be a job for you if you market yourself correctly!
You are welcome Bill and thank you. I had hoped that I would be in position to be able to retire early but it looks like that's not going to happen.
Working for Medicare has made me adaptable to change. I have worked for three different companies all within the same building due to different companies picking up the Medicare contract. I have also been through the transition of new computer systems. The last system was like stepping back into the dark ages compared to what we had before.
I will keep my chin up as you said. I have been "tweeking" my resume and will keep you all posted on the outcome of my change of life career change. ha!
Experience, (which at our age we have) and a great attitude are the keys. And yes Early retirement is what we all should be shooting for, if possible. Good luck...I am cheering for you.
Bill, your report on future employment trends was very interesting and something I plan to pass along to my son. After a 6 month stint with a small software development company, he was laid off in January. He is in a good position as he banked everything for six months and can take some time to explore other options. However, I'm still trying to convince him to get his Masters.
Carla, I have faith you will land on your feet. That BS thingy is problematic though ain't it!
Anna banana,
Sometimes I think that BS thingy is just that...a lot of BS. I have worked with people over the years who were highly educated. Some had more degrees than a themometer but were still dumb as dirt.
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