The New Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
> That used to be right, but now it won't float!
> Age before beauty is what we once said,
> But let's be a bit more realistic instead,

> Now
> The Alphabet

> A's for arthritis;
> B's the bad back,
> C's the chest pains,
> perhaps car-d-iac?
> D is for dental decay and decline,
> E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
> F is for fissures and fluid retention,
> G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
> H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
> I is for incisions with scars you can show.
> J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
> K is for knees that crack when they bend.
> L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
> N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
> O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
> P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
> just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
> Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
> R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
> S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
> T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
> U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
> V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
> W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
> X is for X ray, and what might be found.
> Y is another year I'm left here behind,
> Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.
>
> I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
> And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!